Stop Arguing Over Chores: The Simple Trick That Keeps Couples Sane After Baby

Sleepless nights and endless laundry don’t just test your patience. They can turn everyday chores into the biggest fights of early parenthood. The fix is surprisingly simple: put the work on paper.

Why Chores Spark Conflict

The real fight isn’t about dishes in the sink. It’s about the invisible work behind them. In her book Fair Play, Eve Rodsky explains that every task has three parts: conceiving it, planning it, and executing it. When one partner silently handles all three, resentment builds quickly.

Diana Spalding makes the same point in Hey Diana Health. She notes that new parents often fall into patterns where one person ends up with more responsibility than they expected. Without clear agreements, the load feels unfair.

The Simple Trick: A Shared Chore List

The quickest way to lower tension is to make a master list together. Write down everything that keeps the household running, from bills and baby care to laundry and pet feeding. Then assign each item to a specific person.

The list doesn’t just track chores. It takes the burden of remembering off one partner’s shoulders, makes invisible labor visible, and keeps expectations clear.

How to Put It Into Practice

1. Start early. Couples who plan responsibilities during pregnancy or soon after birth avoid bigger conflicts later.
2. Cover all areas. Include daily tasks, financial duties, errands, and baby-related logistics.
3. Share the mental load. If one person does the grocery run, the other can plan meals. Both contribute, even if the roles differ.
4. Adjust regularly. Babies grow, routines shift, and workloads change. Revisit the list every few weeks.

Why It Works

When chores are divided clearly, you spend less energy arguing about who should step in. Rodsky’s Fair Play shows that treating housework like a team project leads to less resentment and more connection. A visible plan helps both parents feel supported and prevents small tasks from becoming constant points of tension.

Closing Thought

Chores may never disappear, but fights about them can. Creating a shared list turns conflict into collaboration. That frees up time and energy for the things that matter most: caring for your baby and keeping your partnership strong.